Hmm...I feel strongly about many things. For instance, I feel strongly about red velvet cake - it's awesome. I also feel strongly about people not squeezing toothpaste from the bottom of the tube. Oh man, probably too strongly about that one. I feel strongly about fish (disgusting) and my dogs (love). But none of these things merit an entire blog post. But one thing I do feel strongly about that I can also write (probably too much) about is manipulation.
This semester one thing I have really begun to see how common it is. And how often I am tempted to be manipulative. This is something that I have by no means mastered. I see it a lot in myself too. Even in my relationship with Trevor I have seen myself try to manipulate him. Yikes! We have all seen manipulation. It is so subtle. But everyone, when they notice, hates it.
It's so easy, especially as women, to be manipulative. Girls manipulate their male peers (female too, but especially male) ALL THE TIME. There is something in females that likes to manipulate others for personal gain. There is something in males that makes them easy to manipulate and oblivious to it. I have seen it happen over and over again. I have watched many girls try to manipulate my boyfriend and other guy friends. It's more common than you think. Once you begin to notice it, you'll realize how common it is.
Ways I've seen manipulation:
-Making people feel guilty for doing something that was not wrong. This could be done by using specific tones, not just words. Example: saying things like "that is the most hurtful thing you could have done" or "oh don't worry, I'll just suffer while you have fun". I don't know how to give examples of tones or other nonverbal communication that manipulates, but I know it happens [weak, I know]. Even asking questions can become manipulative, if the purpose is to evoke feelings of guilt. [Being a teacher ed major, I must clarify: when a person in authority asks this, it is different.]
-Along with manipulative speech goes a "woe is me" attitude. We have ALL seen people who do this. They constantly complain about how hard their circumstances are. When you mention you had a hard day, they will often try to one-up it by saying why theirs was worse. They will only complain about their circumstances and never see the good in situations. Even when you try to point out the good, they have an excuse for why it's not good enough to outweigh the bad. This is to manipulate feelings of sympathy and empathy. It is so you feel bad for them. Maybe even so that you go out of your way to cheer them up.
-Flirting. Oh flirting, how annoying you are to me for so many reasons. This is one of them. Flirting is often used as a way to get the attention focused on yourself. Or to cause people to develop feelings for you that they might not otherwise. What really boils my blood is when people manipulate by flirting with someone who they don't like and never intend to pursue a relationship with.
-Dressing in a particular way can be manipulative. Here are examples of ways to dress to manipulate:
- Immodesty. Often people dress immodestly without meaning to. But often it's intentional. Here's how I see that as manipulative: Saying, "If I wear this, guys will notice how nice my figure/legs/etc is/are and really think I'm hot." It's really common, something every girl struggles with. Of course we want to be seen as attractive. As women, we appreciate beauty. So we want to be seen as beautiful. But drawing attention to your body can be a way to manipulate. *Disclaimer: I'm not saying that every person dressed immodestly is intentionally being manipulative.
- Dressing to impress. Dressing to impress is not always manipulative. The way we appear on the outside is important! Not the most important, but it is important. I am not saying dressing to look nice/appropriate for the situation is bad. I'm more saying "dressing to impress" as in "dressing to make others think certain things about me" is bad. The line can be thin and hard to find, but it is still there. I'm talking about this: waking up in the morning and dressing in a certain way so that a certain person/group of people (of the opposite gender) notice you and think of your appearance. It is not wrong to be attractive or to make yourself attractive. But when you try to invoke certain feelings (that should be based on more than appearance) by your appearance only, it can be manipulative.
-Complimenting. It's always nice to be complimented. It's nice to be appreciated. It's nice to compliment others and show appreciation. But check your motives! If you are complimenting someone, say on their cute hair, so that they like you better or think of you as really sweet, it's manipulative. Ultimately, it's using a compliment to look better to others and to ourselves. It takes the genuineness right out of the compliment, and turns it into a selfish thing.
There are many other ways to manipulate. I have seen it 92537248637463 times, just last semester. But it bugs me. And I feel strongly about it. Just don't do it. I know I've been working on it, and definitely have a long way to go.
