Whew!

Let me start off by saying: I love my job. Yes, it's crazy. Yes, sometimes I come home smelling like bacon (which is a hard scent to get rid of, let me tell you). Yes, sometimes it's literally nonstop for hours. But there are so many blessings that come with it: not bored at home all the time, I work with some really cool people, my boss is great, I love talking to customers and people watching, we sell good food, it's a new experience-one I'll never forget, and on top of all that: it's helping with the school bill. What more can I ask for? Not much.

But still, it's a draining job. Especially when the people just don't stop coming. Sometimes I get frazzled; sometimes I make mistakes on the register. But I'm learning, and that's what matters. But still- I'm tired. Really tired, all the time. 

Also, I'm kinda drained emotionally right now. I don't know what it is, but summer has been hard. Part of it is my breakup with Trevor. While I know it's best for both of us that it happened, it was still way harder than I'd anticipated. It's hard because with losing the relationship, I lost the friendship too. And that's what hurt the most, because we'd been close for a while. But I know God has something better; I can't lean on anything or anyone but Him, and it's a good reminder of that. But it's not just that. It feels like some of my close friends from high school are no longer really interested in keeping up the friendship. And that's a bummer. I got home expecting to hang out with them a lot, and I've barely seen them at all. Not all of my high school friends, just some in particular. Needless to say, that's been pretty hard to deal with. I'm constantly wondering what I did wrong or what I could do to fix it, but I just can't think of anything. But again, I have to remember that I have a relationship with God, the only One with whom it matters, and the only One who will never let me down, and who will never, ever decide to leave. 

Another thing that has me worrying a lot is school. I lost my academic scholarship, and that really hurt me financially. Sometimes it's hard to know if God is asking for me to have more faith to provide what I need or if He's closing a door. My time at TMC so far has been so incredible. I can't begin to explain what a blessing it's been for me. The last thing I want to think about is the possibility that God is closing that door. My dad and I have talked about it countless times, and he never seems to think that that's what God's doing. But sometimes I just struggle to see how it could be anything but that. I know He will provide the funds if that's where He wants me to be. I have seen Him do things even more incredible than supplying a few thousand dollars. I know He can do it, I just don't know if He will. 

All this to say- I'm drained/wiped out/spent/exhausted/run down/worn out/weary, both physically and emotionally. But through my weakness, God will be glorified, because my weakness enables His strength to be on display even more.