randoms.

As I sit here in the airport during my layover, all I really want is to take a nap. And maybe a travel companion so that I could leave my things where they are and leave to go throw away my trash. I have this thing with trash...when I'm done with something, I want the container/wrapper gone, stat. I don't know why...I've just been this way for years. Also, this is the only reason I want a travel buddy...I hate getting settled during a layover and then wanting dinner or needing to use the restroom, and having to choose between packing up all my stuff then possibly losing my seat and holding it/ not eating. Not a fun choice! I'm always sore after traveling. I know I'll definitely be sore tomorrow, but only part of it from traveling today. The other part will come from my current soreness, which is from shoveling yesterday. Used my back way too much, and didn't use my legs enough. You live and you learn (thank you Alanis Morissette).

I hate leaving Maine. I hate leaving Sacramento too. It's always bittersweet. Living on opposite coasts is quite fun, but it is also painful at times. Saying goodbye to my Maine family is never easy. Especially these days, when I don't know the next time I'll be back. But such is life when you're twenty-one years old and a junior in college.

Speaking of college, break is almost over. As you may have read in my previous posts, I'm not exactly excited for that to happen. Right now so much is up in the air and I'm having to lean hard on my faith in God. Which is never a bad thing!! It's just not easy peasy. Simple, not easy. But in all honestly I do look forward to Truth and Life conference and seeing my friends. Just not school. Not yet. Thankfully I have a bit over a week before that starts again, and maybe I'll be ready. But right now, I feel like I'm still recovering from last semester. It was brutal. It was hard academically but it was also hard spiritually and emotionally. But I have learned so much and if I could go back and ease the pain, I wouldn't. Because pain causes growth. I've mentioned before that when God refines us, He does so by fire. When you're put through the fire, it burns. But you come out more like Christ and it's all worth it! I know all of this and am so thankful for the opportunities to grow last semester. I'm just not super stoked about going back and possibly going through all of that again. Which is pretty wimpy of me, I suppose.

Last night I had a mini freak out session. Things that shouldn't have bothered me so much, did. I don't know why, other than the fact that my heart is desperately wicked (Jeremiah 17:9). But I thankfully took out my journal and wrote down some thoughts as I calmed down and reflected on Christ and His work that paid the price for my sin (including my anger at the time). I realized something last night (for probably the 2837257th time) - self-love hurts self the most! When we're focused on ourselves, things will hurt that shouldn't. So we wind up hurting ourselves more than necessary by trying to eliminate our pain. Tozer said it this way - "The labor of self-love is a heavy one indeed...the heart's fierce effort to protect itself from every slight, to shield its touchy honor from the bad opinion of friend and enemy, will never let the mind have rest." When you focus on God and His character, the offenses of others mean considerably less. It's like the song says, "Turn your eyes upon Jesus, look full in His wonderful face, and the things of earth will grow strangely dim in the light of His glory and grace."

This is such a random collection of thoughts but it's just what's been on my mind. :) Now I must go, because it's time to pack up my stuff and wander around the airport a little bit more. Maybe I'll just walk around until my plane boards, that way it doesn't matter if my seat gets taken. Anyway, have a great day!