Back to the Days of Barbies and Freeze Tag

Remember when you were young? Many of my best memories come from before the age of ten. Those summer days when my sisters and I would play outside with our neighbors all day and the school days of playing freeze tag and crack the whip are just a few of them. My sisters and I adored playing with our Barbies and the other dolls that we had. From skip-its to hopscotch, little "peoples" to pogs, we always had so much fun. There was something awesome about the outlook I, like so many other people at that age, had on life. Though my early childhood was not always what you could call easy, there was never a point where things seemed hopeless. Not a day went by when I did not feel the love of my Father in heaven. Even through my parents' divorce and living on opposite coasts, I was not unhappy as a child-far from it, actually. I'm not going to lie to you though; it was very hard at times and I definitely cried my fair share of tears. But even through the pain there was always a glimmer of hope, and I always knew that things would work out in the end.

But things are different now. We used to be carefree and excited for each day, but the days of innocence and ignorance are over. I know this change happened for all of us. I really could not tell you at what point in my life that this started to change. Maybe it was a result of age. Maybe it was all the disappointments and heart aches brought about through the various people I've come across. Maybe it was the fact that year after year seemed to always be the same-school, summer, school, summer, etc. Maybe it was through older friends that I've had, who had already gone through this change. Life seems to make us almost cynical, for lack of a better word. We no longer believe the claims we see commercial after commercial make. We see one person after another talk about trust issues because they had been cheated on or had loved and lost. We do not take the time we should to just sit and listen to what others have to say. Life is too busy to just slow down and soak in wisdom from people who have experienced it before us.

I miss the days when I believed every commercial I saw. I miss thinking about who I am going to marry (as all girls inevitably do) without wondering how much heartache it will take to get there. I miss trusting in God so easily; now it is sometimes hard, even after seeing His faithfulness and goodness over and over again. I miss the days when I didn't realize that even the best of people could hurt me. There are so many different things that have changed-not all bad. Life is just different now. I know that it will be a struggle to stand firm in my faith at times. I will be very careful to guard my heart because I know what it is like to feel pain and do not ever want to feel that again. I know who to not trust to keep my secrets (not that I really have any). I have felt unbelievable pain and have lost some great people in my life. God has put me through the refining process many times and believe me, it burns. When I was a kid, it seemed like those things would never happen to me, because though I was tall and looked older than I was, I still always felt young. I felt that I would never be old enough to go through that kind of pain. But now I have. I have been through many things that I would rather not repeat. But thankfully, I can say that I know what it feels like to depend on God when it seems like no one else cares. I know that He really does cause everything to work out for the best (Romans 8:28). He has a plan for my life, and for yours, and will accomplish it (Psalm 138:8).

What I am getting at is this:I love being older and knowing how to handle some situations; I am grateful for every blessing and every trial in my life because I know they have made me into who I am; I love how much I have grown spiritually and learned about God in the past years; but there are some things that I miss. I can't  say that I want to go find my Barbies and play with them, but there are things about childhood that I wish I could return to. I really do want to go back to innocent thinking. I want to trust people, even if it hurts. I want to look for the good in everyone. I want to be in awe of things that truly are amazing. I don't want the scars of my past to affect the present or the future. Most of all, I want my faith to be childlike-unswerving and unquestioning. I want to just easily fall into the hands of the only One I can fully trust to love me unconditionally and discipline me and make me more like Him.

School

Ok, honestly, I have always been one of those people who likes school. Yes, I admit I often complain about it, procrastinate on homework (and then regret it!), and look forward to weekends and vacations just like everyone else. But I also look forward to it starting again. I always have. Maybe part wanting to go back is because I used to spend my entire summer in Maine, so I wouldn't see all of my friends for months and I knew that I would at school. Even school shopping always excited me. Part of the reason I've always looked forward to going back is, I think, because I have new goals and expectations of myself, and have a clean slate. I have gone into each year with a little bit of a different view from the one before, but always eager to start.

Again, I am feeling that way. Maybe now more than ever, since I am in college. It helps that I go to a school that I love. I am excited for my classes and meeting new people and making friends. Also, I am excited to start a new semester with the potential of doing better than I ever have. Several weeks ago I wrote a list of goals for the next semester that I hope to achieve. One of my professors last semester really inspired me to have a desire to learn. To not just be in school because it's normal, or because it will get me where I want to be later in life, but because I want to learn more about the world God created and the people He placed in it.

There are several things I'm looking forward to. Here are some of them, in no particular order:
Chapel-singing great songs and hearing the preaching from great men who love the Lord
Seeing my friends on a daily basis
Breakfast with Lindsay
Dorm life (cdub is the BEST)-the people are great and we have the best RD
My roommate! Lord willing, the same as last year
Walking upstairs and smelling cookies or other things Amber has baked
Movie nights/game nights
Denny's runs
Small groups
Waffle nights (thursdays)
Brunch on Saturdays and spending the rest of the day with Lindsay
Baking with Lindsay and Courtney
Talking/driving around/singing obnoxiously with Kayla
Outreach Week
My church-Placerita Baptist. And my college group

I could keep going, but I think you get the picture. I love summer, but I am also excited for school to start!

Father's Day

Whew! It's been a while since I have written in my blog! Sorry if I have kept all my avid readers (ha) waiting for a while! So much has changed. I have seen God work in my life and provided for me in many diverse ways. He has shown Himself good and faithful over and over again to me in just the few weeks since I have last written. But that is not what I want to say.

Today is Father's Day!! (The 9 minutes left of it, anyway) I have come to realize how blessed I am. I have not only a wonderful dad, but also a wonderful step dad. And even better, I have an amazing heavenly Father, too! That said, I want to focus on my dad for a little bit. He is such an awesome man who loves the Lord first and his family second. I know we have not always gotten along and that I have not always seen his point of view, but ever since my senior year of high school and on I have begun to understand him (and my mom and step mom and step dad..and all parents in general!) more and more.

I am so grateful for his wisdom and his knowledge of God's word. Every time I have a question I know that I can go to him for the answers. This past year, my first year of being away at college, I have confided in him more than ever. He always has the right thing to say-it doesn't always make me feel better right away, but it makes me act better. Then later I understand where he is coming from. Some things he's said shocked me, but after I see God's plans unfold in those areas, I have seen that he is way smarter than me, or at least more experienced. It has always been humorous to me when my friends have scoffed at their parents' advice, thinking that they could not possibly understand. The thing is, they do. I have seen that my dad knows more about me than I do. He definitely gives me amazing advice, whether it be about school, dating, a career, or anything.

One of my favorite things about my dad is his love of God's word. That love has become apparent to me. And very helpful. Whenever I have a question about God or things that the Bible says, my dad is the first person I go to for help. He always has an answer, and if he doesn't, he will find out and tell me when he finds out. I really do appreciate it so much as I study the word, especially at school.
I am unable to express how much my dad, and all of my parents, means to me. I will forever be grateful for all of the lessons he has taught me; all of the times he's let me cry on his shoulder; all of the phone calls that begin with me crying, stressed over one thing or another, and end with me feeling so much better; all of the sacrifices he has happily made for me. He is truly a good example of what a godly man looks like.

I love my daddy so much1

Here is my dad with Sarah and Holly and me at Holly's graduation

A Song That's Been Stuck in My Head for DAYS

Monday morning I was reading in Psalms and I came across some verses that seemed very familiar to me. It was Psalm 62:1-2-"My soul waits in silence for God only; From Him is my salvation. He only is my rock and my salvation, My stronghold; I shall not be greatly shaken." I realized why it was familiar-it was part of a song I had sung both in chapel and at church this past year. It has been stuck in my head ever since then, not that I am complaining. Sometimes it's the most annoying thing in the world to have a song stuck in your head (i.e. 1,2,3,4 by Plain White T's. that was BAD) for several days. But this time, I got lucky. I'll post the words so you can see why I like them:

My Soul Finds Rest Psalm 62
by Aaron Keyes and Stuart Townend

My soul finds rest in God alone,
My Rock and my salvation,
A fortress strong against my foes,
And I will not be shaken.
Though lips may bless and hearts may curse,
And lies like arrows pierce me,
I’ll fix my heart on righteousness,
I’ll look to Him who hears me.

O praise Him, hallelujah,
My Delight and my Reward;
Everlasting, never failing,
My Redeemer, my God.

Find rest, my soul, in God alone
Amid the world’s temptations;
When evil seeks to take a hold
I’ll cling to my salvation.
Though riches come and riches go,
Don’t set your heart upon them;
The fields of hope in which I sow
Are harvested in heaven.

O praise Him, hallelujah,
My Delight and my Reward;
Everlasting, never failing,
My Redeemer, my God.

I’ll set my gaze on God alone,
And trust in Him completely;
With every day pour out my soul,
And He will prove His mercy.
Though life is but a fleeting breath,
A sigh too brief to measure,
My King has crushed the curse of death
And I am His forever.

O praise Him, hallelujah,
My Delight and my Reward;
Everlasting, never failing,
My Redeemer, my God.

O praise Him, O praise Him, hallelujah, hallelujah,
O praise Him, O praise Him, hallelujah, hallelujah,
O praise Him, O praise Him, hallelujah! hallelujah!

O praise Him, hallelujah,
My Delight and my Reward;
Everlasting, never failing,
My Redeemer, my God.




This is a great song! Each verse is rich and such an encouragement. In some songs we sing it seems like some of the words are just fillers, and then some lines are meaningful. But this is one of those songs where that is not the case-each line is so full! I love songs like that!!


An update on my summer: it's been going well! I have seen my best friend Sam, spent some time with Laura (including two trips to the lake!), saw Lindsay and Zach, and done some other fun things :). Most of my days I am home alone since my dad is at work and Kathy and Riley are still in school. I am becoming restless and bored with the few things that I have to do. It's not fun sometimes. A lot of my friends are still in school, but finishing up this week. Then it will be better! I leave for Santa Clarita with Lindsay around June 1 and fly out to Maine on June 4. Then it will be a week of lots&lots of family, including seeing my newest cousin Griffin (sp?), and then Holly GRADUATES! Crazy.

Well I hope this song is an encouragement to you like it is to me! Have a great day :)

Fear

Galatians 1:10-"For am I now seeking the favor of men, or of God? Or am I striving to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a bond-servant of Christ." (NASB)

I constantly find myself in need of this verse. So many times, just in 2010, I have been shown my fear of man. It has become evident especially in the last couple months of the semester. I have seen over and over again how much I care about what people think. In some ways, I really do not care. But there are some things that I constantly struggle with when it comes to fear of man. I shared with my small group (which consisted of my RA Lynsi, friend Kayla, and myself) how God has really been working in that area of my life. My friend Christian and I are praying about what God would have us do, and it looks like we will become more than "just friends" soon. This has opened my eyes to a whole new area of my life where I see a fear of man. Who am I trying to please? My friends, his friends, people we do not even know? What would the point of that be? If we try to please people, we will fail, because not everyone will be pleased by the same things. When we try to please God, no one else, or their opinion, matters.

Steve Lawson, when he came as a chapel speaker to my school, summed it up better than I ever could have. He said, "If you please Christ, it doesn't matter who you displease. If you displease Christ, it doesn't matter who you please."

I wonder...do I spend half the time I spend thinking about/trying to please men, trying to please God? If I spent that much time trying to please God and forgetting about pleasing men, how different would my life be?