Regret

Yesterday my friend sent me a message on facebook entitled "Regret". When I clicked on it, I had no idea what she could have been talking about. Her message said that she wished we could go back and redo high school over again. Knowing what we know now. Now we know that we shouldn't have wasted time on guys who are now completely out of the picture. Now we know that drama is stupid and a waste of too many emotions and too much time. Now we know that focusing on school is important, but friends are even more important. The relationships I made with people in high school are what I remember most-not the grades I got on all my Pratt tests (though maybe I forgot those on purpose...).

This friend and I were both in relationships for our junior and senior years of high school. We thought that though there was drama with that, it was inevitable. What we completely missed was the fact that without those guys in our lives, it would have been much easier. We would have had closer friendships and better grades. We would have had more time to spend on doing things that we love, and getting to know new people. But instead we rushed to do our homework so we could wait by the phone for an hour long phone call at night. I'm not saying that we neglected friends altogether, we just spent less time with them than we could have. Looking back, this was not the way to live. Oh, we were happy. But we weren't thriving. We could have become a lot closer to each other and other people, and had much better relationships with God, if we had been single. When you put so much of yourself into things like boyfriends, you have so little left over for the other things. I wish I had spent more time writing. I wish I had gotten to know more people. I wish I had done so many things. Instead, I chose to spend my time investing myself into one person, while forgetting all the friends that had gotten me through some of life's toughest moments. That time spent with him I will never get back.

Something else I learned-there is NOTHING like family. I put my family aside and basically put everything else before it. That was a huge mistake. Now that I'm away from my family, I miss them like none other. I am actually looking forward to the day when I'm back home in bed, awake (and annoyed!) before 8 am because of my brother's loudness. I can't wait to be back to doing laundry and cleaning my bathroom and vacuuming on Saturdays. That's the life I love. Nothing else matters when you're with family.

Now we know all these things. So we (my friend and I) decided that since we can't change what happened in high school, we can make sure we won't feel the same way about college. I'm not saying I won't have a boyfriend at all (though who knows-I may not). I'm merely saying that I have to balance my time and energy between things that truly matter. I need to get to know more people. I need to spend time with my family. I even need to spend more time studying. Most importantly, I need to be getting to know my God. If I do those things, no matter what else happens, I won't look back at college in the same way I do high school.

Queen Latifah summed this up when she said,
"I made decisions that I regret, and I took them as learning experiences."

Laura (who I've been talking about) and me.

(It was Retro Day of Spirit Week, sophomore year)
(this was before we had boyfriends...those were the days!)

P.S. This is not to say that I completely regret dating. I have learned so much looking back on it and I know God's used it to teach me so many things about myself and the way I am so flippant with some of the things in my life. He used that to break me and mold me closer to the person He wants me to be. So, I am grateful for all of the things I've learned, I just wish I had been wiser.

Thy Will Be Done

Well...this past week I have really been learning alot. Not just from classes or friends or church or my devotions, though I've learned alot from each of those things this week. It's been from prayer (though that may be included in devotions..I just meant that it's not been directly from time in the Word).

This school year I have been praying a certain way every time a certain thing happens and God, who is good and faithful, has answered my prayers. Not after many times, but just after praying it once. But this time, I have prayed for this thing several times, and God's been answering it in different ways. I think He's telling me that I can't just ask for the easy way out every time. His goal is not for my life to be easy. His goal is my sanctification. Normally, sanctification does not come from easy things. It comes more often when we are stretched and broken. So, either another prayer is being answered, OR God is saying "not right now" to this prayer. He knows the plans He has for me (Jeremiah 29:11) and knows what's best. What I'm praying for may not be what's best for me. I am so grateful for a sovereign God who wants what's best for me! Though it may me a tough thing that He's planning for me, it could be for my sanctification.

James 5:16 says "...the effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much." Or, in the King James Version, "the effectual fervent prayer". It means this-that continual prayer for something can be answered mightily. It has been every other time this type of thing has happened. But this time I have been earnestly praying for this thing, and seen no results. That doesn't mean I think God hasn't heard me, but like I said before, either another prayer is being answered (though it's too soon to tell with that) or God is saying No and has better plans for me. It's tough to know that exactly what I've been trying to avoid may happen again. But it's so very comforting to know that the Maker of the universe has a plan for me, and it's what is best.

Last night I decided to just completely give it over to the Lord and put it in His hands. Now I can stop worrying about it. I had gone to bed and was not able to sleep. Then I remembered this handy little thing  that I wisely brought with me to college-my prayer journal. I completely laid it all out before God, and realized that He knows what I need and all I know is what I want. I realized that I needed to be praying differently-not telling God what I'd like Him to do, but telling Him everything and saying "Thy will be done." I realized that it might be best for me that He answered me with a "no". And if that's the case, then that is what I want. I just continually prayed for His will to be done and that He would be glorified in this situation. And let me tell you-I feel multitudes better about it. I no longer need to worry about it but can completely trust in His goodness and His faithfulness.

Moral of the story:Don't pray for what you want only, but that God's will will be done and that He will glorify Himself through you. I learned that it is okay to tell Him what you want, you just need to accept that He might not give it to you. Also-journaling prayers is something that I want to start back up-such a good way to think through everything you are saying to our sovereign Lord.

Those are my thoughts. Sorry it's completely rambling, my thoughts are just everywhere! Have a good day :)

Walking on Sunshine

Mmm. I LOVE the sun! It's beautiful.
I really enjoy "spring forward". It's a bummer to lose the sleep, but other than that, it's amazing! I love coming out of dinner at night when it's still light out. I am also really liking this sunshine. I knew So Cal would be amazing! Yesterday my friends and I went for a drive in between a couple classes, and the digital thermometer at one of the banks we drove past said that it was 90 degrees. It's AMAZING. Though I would not prefer to have that every day just yet, once in a while, it's nice. The rest of the week has been/will be in the lower 70s. It's nice to be able to wear flip flops comfortably again (I never really stopped wearing them for winter) and skirts to class! I know, when I was at Victory I was like I'll never wear skirts to school once I graduate. And today I did. And I liked it. So don't speak too soon, because I really liked doing it! You just never know!

This week has been a typical "first week after a nice break" week. But God is good. It's been so sunshiney that even though everyone is aching to be out of classes, the general mood in classes is brighter. I honestly have enjoyed my classes this week more than normal. Though I do stare longingly out the windows in anticipation of the next time I will be in it! I am really excited for all the beach days ahead and the afternoons spent (possibly) down by the pool. I am grateful that this semester is less stressful than last, because I can take time to soak up some rays from time to time.

Since I'm having summer fever right now I thought I'd post a few pics from previous summers :)

In Maine, summer after freshman year

(l-r)Laurie, Molly, Shelby, and Jamie

Me and my bestest when she visited me in Maine

Sammi and Laurie

Summer nights bring out the craziness!

Laura, Lindsay, and Laurie

I must go and finish a paper now. I just could resist talking about the weather!

3 Layer Mint Brownies and Free Pinkberry Yogurt...Life's GOOD

Well, the last few days have been quite eventful. Life is just full when you stay with a family of 9 people, making it 10. I LOVE it. This family is amazing and I feel like I am one of them! Wednesday was our homework/Starbucks/tacos/baseball game/relaxing day. It consisted of...well, everything I just mentioned. Wednesday night we spent several hours skyping some friends we've missed a TON. Yesterday afternoon Courtney and I babysat these kids that she watches every Thursday afternoon, but this time they came to her house. We played and watched Cinderella (with Brandy and Whitney Houston) and baked all afternoon. We made these amazing brownies. They were three layers and were pretty easy to make, just time consuming. The bottom layer is normal brownies-you make them the same as always. Then we made a frosting for the second layer, and put peppermint extract and green food coloring in it. The top layer was a mixture of melted butter and chocolate chips. Everything was chilled together (each time you add a layer, it gets refrigerated). We cut the rich brownies into bite-sized pieces and brought them to her Bible study, Generations. It was a potluck and she had signed up to bring dessert. The brownies were a hit! I also had a small piece of red velvet cake (my absolute favorite) that night.

Today was another homework day. I spent some time reading for Intro to Music and Art. I also worked on some summaries for my New Testament Survey class. We had a yummy dinner and while we ate Mrs. Brooks said that Pinkberry (a frozen yogurt place in the mall) was giving out free frozen yogurt. All ten of us hopped in their eleven passenger van and went to the mall. They gave out 3 oz. samples of their newest flavor, mango. Though I dislike real mangos, this yogurt was delicious. Then we walked around the mall for a little while. We went into the puppy store and those dogs are just precious! There was a baby Australian Shepherd and it just made me melt! At my mom's house one of our dogs is an Australian Shepherd and she is an extremely sweet and loyal dog.

One of the books I have to read for my Music and Art class is called O Worship the King. It's by Joni Eareckson Tada, John MacArthur, and Robert and Bobbie Wolgemuth. This book is really neat. There are 12 hymns in it, and each one has its own chapter. At the beginning of the chapter the lyrics to the hymn are printed. Then each author writes a little bit about the background of the hymn or a time that the hymn was really meaningful to them. It is one of those things that really helps you learn to think about what you are singing. So often I get distracted and do not concentrate on the words I am singing. This is not worship-God would prefer me to not sing at all. This book has helped me with that. I've learned about just what happened before Horatio Spafford sat down and penned "It Is Well With My Soul". That story is quite interesting. It is a great testimony that Spafford could say those words so soon after all of the suffering that he endured. It's thought-provoking and I am thoroughly enjoying reading this book.

These are some of my good friends! The one on the far right is Courtney, who I've been staying with. On the far left is Richard, then Nick, then Lindsay, then me. I mentioned skyping some of our friends-well Courtney and I have skyped all of the others in this picture multiple times, so I thought this pic was appropriate. In case you can't tell, it's right outside of It's a Small World, a ride that caused much debate. In the end, the girls won and we rode it :)

Bye now!

Life Lately

Wow! It's been a while since I've written. I haven't had much to say, so I've kept my mouth shut (..fingers still?). Anyways, I am working on something right now but that is taking some time so I will just fill you in on my life as it's been lately.

First, my relationship with God is really being strengthened. I am learning to rely on Him more and more all the time. He's been growing me and it's not always the most enjoyable thing but the end result is good. My RA made a point that resonates for me. She was talking about how our sanctification is compared to the refining of gold in the Bible. To be refined, gold is put in the fire and burns until the end result is pleasing. So while God refines us, it burns. It's painful, but in the end, we're made more like Christ. And that's amazing.

Second, since my last blog, it's been times of many ups and downs. There were a few stressful nights in that time period and I was really discouraged and missing my family. While I was doing my fafsa (ugh), I kept making stupid mistakes and had to call my dad at least eight different times. I made a huge mistake on something that was fixable, thankfully. I just learned to really appreciate how patient my dad is and how much he cares for me and is willing to help me out, even when I do dumb things. I have also had some amazing times with my friends, such as going to Downtown Disney and then my roommate's house for her birthday. The next weekend I went to Disneyland with some amazing friends and had the time of my life! College life is full of trials but it's also full of fun. It's just full.

Well that's what the past few weeks have looked like. Now I'm on spring break, and let me tell you, it's been quite interesting! I am staying with my friend Courtney Brooks and her family. It's been so fun! There are seven kids in the family, plus her two parents. With me here, there are ten of us. It sure can be crazy at times, but I am immensely enjoying it!

The first night was Friday night. We (Courtney and I) went to Walmart with her brother and two of our friends. That was a fun experience. It was at that time that Courtney and I decided to go to Walmart every day of spring break (so far, so good!). Sounds like a random thing to do, and sounds like we're kind of strange. Well, we are. But we have also come up with good reasons to go everyday anyway. Saturday was a day spent scheming, but I can't say what it's for yet. Sunday we went to church, and instead of going to my own church, Placerita Baptist Church, I went with her family to Grace Community Church.

Yesterday (Monday) was quite an interesting day. We planned to get up and do homework in the morning, then head over to the library at school in the afternoon. There were some things we needed to get  done there that we couldn't do here at her house. That did not go as planned. A whole series of events unfolded that we did not expect. The library was open from 2 until 6, and we hoped to take advantage of every minute we could. But God had other plans. First, around two her mom came home from the grocery store so people were helping unload and put away groceries. During this time, somehow a bowl of leftover tomato soup dropped off of the top shelf and hit something else in the fridge, and splashed EVERYWHERE. It was all over Courtney (her face, her shirt, her jeans, her hair), all over the food, in the drawers, on the doors, on the light in the fridge, not to mention the floor...I mean everywhere! Then the process of cleaning the refrigerator began. We took everything out, wiped everything down, then used cleaner on the whole inside of the fridge, washed (with soap and hot water) all of the shelves, wiped down the food, took the plastic thing off of the lights and cleaned off the baked-in tomato soup, and then put everything back together. It was a long process. Then we made (homemade) macaroni and cheese, which was quite good. Around 4:50, we left to go to the dorms to get a few things that I needed and then we were going to go to the library. We got to my room and realized I forgot my key, so that didn't end up going as planned. We got to the library around 5 and had to leave at 5:30 to come back for dinner. Obviously, the day did not go as planned. It was a sanctifying experience. It was very interesting and entertaining. God reminded me that my plans aren't always the best.

Today was a really exciting day. Courtney and I were planning a trip to downtown LA. We were going to get to her grandma's house around 9, and then she would drive us downtown to shop. Well...this morning at about 7:35 Courtney woke me up and told me we would need to leave a half hour earlier than we had anticipated. It was a busy time of rushing around getting ready and eating and trying to be out the door by 8. We left at about ten after, and didn't know we had to change freeways, but called her mom at just the right time (God is so good) and were able to do it. We arrived at her grandparents house and left a few minutes later. We got to downtown LA after sitting in a bit of traffic, and it was definitely worth the stress of the morning and the wait through traffic. Specifically, we were in The Alley, a place where there are many shops..some with cheap things, some with more expensive things. We looked around and found some great deals (I got a really cute ring that only cost a dollar). It was fun just taking in the sights, sounds, and smells of a place like that. After hours of shopping, we went to this little diner called The Pantry. It's owned by the former mayor of LA, and has been around for almost 90 years. We got this amazing soup, cole slaw and bread meal. The bread was a huge amount of sour dough that was so yummy. Food that amazing is just not common. Overall, it was a very interesting day. I enjoyed all of the things I experienced today, including getting to know Courtney's grandma.

Just a side note...I love Courtney's family. I have met them all multiple times. Some I'd seen more than others, but I still knew who they all were. But now I know them so much better, and it's been fun sitting with them at the table or in the living room just talking. They include me in everything and even explain all of the inside jokes their family has. It's been great getting to know them!

Okay I think I have written enough to make up for all my lost time. So now I will go. Hope this wasn't too long or boring for you. Remember Psalm 19:14, one of my favorites verses. "Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in Thy sight, Oh Lord, my strength and my Redeemer."