Lessons from the past.

In high school, I did something that most people in my circles scoff at: I dated. My sophomore year I met a guy in my biology class and we became pretty good friends. The next year we started dating, and continued until the midpoint of my summer between graduation and college. Let me tell you, those years were really full of a variety of things. First of all, dating is fun. The majority of the people we hung out with as a couple also happened to be couples. Group dates and traditions for our Homecoming and Jr/Sr banquets were tons of fun. I learned a lot about life and I truly had deep feelings for him.

There are so many things I'm glad I got out of the way in high school. I can't tell you how many times I have been (or have had conversations with girls who are) hurt by their friends who are dating for the first time (it's always that first time!) and have not learned to balance. And it sucks. So I'm glad I'm one less person to cause those feelings going forward. I'm glad I got my first ever date/argument/breakup out of the way before college, because as my good friend Sheryl Crow says, "the first cut is the deepest." Nothing relational hurts more than your first breakup after you've been together for a long time. I understood for the first time what all the corny songs were talking about. I learned how to cope through "meet the family" situations for the first time. I learned a lot about myself and my attitude through the disagreements we had. I felt what it meant to have someone truly always 100% back you up (even if you were wrong). It was him and me, best friends as well as a couple, against the world. We were like a team. And then I felt what it was like to lose all of that so abruptly. I felt my whole world shake. God was my stability through the breakup, but I had coasted too often in my relationship with Him while I was dating in high school. I learned the absolute necessity of relationships (of all kinds, really) to be centered around God through our omission of that. 

Of course there are also things I regret from those times. If I could take back some of the pain I caused friends by being too busy with my boyfriend, I would. I wish I had avoided some of the drama that came from other girls trying to take him away (duh, younger me, he was dating ME). I wish we had been more careful physically. I really just wish I had served him more and encouraged him more in his pursuit of Christ. And I wish I hadn't held our relationship so firmly in my hand that God had to painfully pry it out. But I can't go back, I can only go forward.

I have dated once since then, but it was a much shorter relationship. It was fun while it lasted, and I thought it was centered around God, but maybe it wasn't. Suffice it to say, I still learned a lot. Mainly I learned that you can't be friends with your ex when you both have different expectations of the friendship.

I don't regret either relationship, though I was definitely naive the first time around and made more mistakes than I care to admit the second time. I learned so much that it was worth it. But when/if I date again in the future, it's going to be very different, partially because I am already so different than I was even a year ago. I am so thankful that the Lord graciously grows us through our own shortcomings and makes us more like Christ. Looking back occasionally is definitely a good thing if you can learn from it. But looking forward is a much nicer view, even if I never date again, because God has a plan for my life and He will work both for His glory and my good.