It's nearing the end of the semester and once again, I wonder what has happened to the last few months. Didn't we just have Christmas break? Wasn't it just that time of year when everyone writes the wrong year on their papers, forgetting it's a new one? To me, the semester flew by. It seems like just yesterday that I moved out of the dorms, but then at the same time it feels like I've been in the Brooks' home for forever. This week concludes the semester with a few finals and then graduation. I really, honestly don't know how this semester snuck past me. There were so many papers written, books read, emotions felt, conversations had, tears cried, friendships strengthened, cakes made, weekends enjoyed, truths learned, and memories made that it turned into a whirlwind semester.
There were many nights without adequate sleep and many, many naps. There were even a few cups of coffee thrown in there (gasp). This semester there were a few too many emotions, in my opinion. Maybe the emotions were heightened because of the lack of sleep, maybe not. Discontentment reared its ugly head and threatened to steal my joy - more than once. Though I know that it's always a fight to be content, this semester felt more like a losing battle at times. Anxiety and not trusting the Lord were always a temptation. There were those days when I would talk with my girls about certain guys who shall remain nameless, and almost every situation frustrated us. Why it takes them so long to mature is something we'll never know. (Why it takes me so long to mature is also a big question!) And then there was the call I got one weekend about Holly's ex boyfriend not making it in a car accident. The tragic and unexpected loss of a young life can be baffling. Sometimes we just won't find out why God works in the way He does, but we just can't question Him and must believe that He is good and faithful. This truth also had to be applied to my thinking regarding the tough transitions my church is going through. I often am tempted to become discouraged about the changes at PBC, but I know that the church is Christ's bride and He loves her way more than we do, and will do what it takes to purify her.
I've never been as busy as I was this semester. There were days I skipped meals because there just wasn't time. There were nights that felt endless but somehow I always got at least some sleep. There were a few assignments that got in past the due date. I spent way too many hours in the library. I read at least 100 books (I wish this was an exaggeration). There was a month or two in there where the only time I saw my friends during the week was in chapel, church, or class. I learned to thrive in busyness, but I also had to learn to put the books down when I was with friends.
Wednesday was always a highlight with Awana. Thursday lunches were great because I spent them with Becca and they were followed by my time with Meredith. Toward the end of the semester, Tuesday afternoons were spent baking, singing, and all sorts of craziness with Katie, Mer, and Karis. Sundays were great because of Foundation, big church, and then lunches. Friday afternoons were Bible study/discipleship group with some great girls and various speakers from whom we gleaned much wisdom. Anytime spent on my old wing brought so much joy. And then there were the fun weekends - Foundation trip to the beach (that weekend I also had to read 1200 pages of children's novels), two weekends (!) with my grandma in Orange County, one with Becca in Palmdale, swimming/tanning with Katherine or Sarah or Bekah or a combination of the three. Disney Day was spent with most of my closest friends and was obviously magical (despite the nausea that followed Star Tours). Valentine's Day was great because it was my first observation and because that night I watched My Big Fat Greek Wedding with Sarah - too funny. Kayla's visits are always fun, especially the night we watched Mean Girls with Stephanie. The kindergarten class I observed was so much fun and a great experience.
I've learned many things this semester. One is that I'm horrible at scaring people, as I'm hopelessly losing a battle with 9-year-old Bekah. In my Principles of Personal Bible Study class I've learned a ton, but the main thing I've learned was in our semester-long study of the book of I Peter. In it, Peter talks about the need for believers to live holy lives in the midst of suffering. Though this semester was hard and tiring, it wasn't necessarily a trial, but I still learned things that will be immensely helpful when I do go through trials. I had to watch someone else go through a time of deep pain and trust that God will use it in their life. But recently, He's also teaching me not to just obey and still pursue holiness in trials, but He's also been teaching me that it's important to have JOY during tough times. I need to learn to TRUST Him at ALL times for EVERYTHING. He is worthy of my faith and trust, yet I so easily doubt. It doesn't matter how much homework I have, or how much sleep I'm going to get tonight. What matters is that I use my time and my talents to bring glory to God, and that I trust and obey Him.
Friends, God is good. He has been with me throughout all my laughter, tears, worries, cares, and tiredness. His mercies were new each day and He gave me just what I needed to get through that day. This has been one of my hardest and best semesters of college! I hope to do a post with lots of pictures, but that will come another day when I'm not studying for finals. I want to leave with a passage that has really impacted me these last few months:
Therefore, humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you at the proper time, casting all your anxieties on Him, because He cares for you. Be of sober spirit; be on the alert. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. But resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same experiences of suffering are being accomplished by your brethren who are in the world. After you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself perfect, confirm, strengthen, and establish you. To Him be dominion forever and ever. Amen. I Peter 5:6-11
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